Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

- The Constitution of the United States, Amendment I [1791]

Of course, all of this would be perfectly useless in your particular State were it not for the Fourteenth Amendment, which is the filter through which these Constitutional rights have been incorporated, and which states in pertinent part:

No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United states . . . [1868]

There are, of course, limits to what you can say and worship and print. These limits will be explored in more detail later. But for now, here are a few pointers.

Do NOT use the words "president" and "kill" or "shoot" in the same sentence I (oops ...);
Do not yell "fire!" in a crowded anything;
Do not threaten anyone with bodily harm;
Do not incite a crowd of people to commit unlawful activity;
Do not make bomb jokes at the airport (the speech may be Constitutionally protected, but the hassle isn't worth it):
Do not be a guest on Judge Judy, Jerry Springer, etc. (again Constitutionally protected, but everyone will know you're an idiot).

That said, please fill out this petition and mail it to your congressperson:

My brothers and sisters and I are members of a religion known as the Lenny Bruce Junta (LBJ).

The late, great Mr. Bruce went to jail for saying "cocksucker," and ultimately died for his sins so's we could cuss. He paved the way for Carlin, Pryor, and everyone else to follow. Now we want you to give something back, dickwad.

As an aside, we don't like G.W. We think he is going to fuck up the environment and that he is a puppet of big business.

But what we really want to say is this: fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker, fuck, shit, piss, bitch, asshole, cocksucker.

Also, we would like to have a parade. Is that okay?

Sincerely,

Viva LBJ!